My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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