i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
