Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
And then he peed in my hair
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