you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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