we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
