If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
