no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
