just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
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Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
we're so committed to being not committed
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
