So drunk its hurt
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
