The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
