God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
