Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
They are going to name an STD after you.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
