omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I don't deserve a penis
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
My dick has a subreddit
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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