Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
