Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
