The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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