Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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