I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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