I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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