Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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