The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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