why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
