i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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