I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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