There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
