you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
