At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
