it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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