It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
