she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
