Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
