I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
