therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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