didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Randomize
