ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You smell like a Billy Joel song
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Dignity is for republicans.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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