I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
