we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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