Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
