that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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