Dude my mom stole all your condoms
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
