At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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