i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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