I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
