it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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