Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
