I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
