i just wanna soil my oats bro
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
