i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
