they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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