It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
