i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
